HOA

[selloutrr]

I recieved a letter from my HOA today regarding nut grass in my yard, and while I'm at it my weeds. WTF?! I pay a very professional gardener that comes out every thursday who weeds, mow's and tends to my yard care needs. I called the HOA but being saturday they were closed I left a bleak message. Asking them to return my call in regards to the letter i recieved, in a polite but firmly discussed voice.
My guess is that the real estate agent for the house next door was being a ratty whore cunt and tattled to the HOA. The neighbors ditched on the house and vanished in the middle of the night. leaving the pool to turn green and breed west nile. It got so bad that at dust i wasn't able to go in my back yard without being swarmed by misquitoes. I called the HOA they couldn't help. So I called vector control, they came out and fined the bank. The same day I also called the real estate office on the new sign, I vented on the corporate dispatcher they contacted the agent and the agent called and started yelling at me for getting her in trouble. I guess it was part of her job in the walk through to get the pool fixed. that afternoon a pool guy was out fixing it. The pool is fine now but about a month ago, I was driving in the community and "lady" (i'm trying to be polite) cut me off, got lost and then drove on my bumper through the neighborhood. it turned out she was looking at the house. I was pretty sure that she was not the neighbor for me. so the entire she looked at the house I let my dogs take a nice long vocal lesson in the back yard.. barking at the imaginary monster behind the other wall. so now she is bitching about nut grass? seriously nut grass? pubes?
The other thought is it's the neighbors on the other side they have a kid going off to college who through a going away party and had probably 100+ kids all outside and in the street. I was a good neighbor until 3am when I called the cops cause I had to get up at 6am and the dogs and kid couldn't sleep over the drunks and loud music. I woke up to find someone had side swiped my truck in the drive way. skid marks and all, i do love drunk drivers. Now i doubt it was them because if so it's even more of a no no to not have your back yard landscaped and theirs is just dirt. the shitty part of this HOA is they make you apply and get approval for everything so it all looks the part. Minimum $10K, The bad part is if i turned them in they would probably loose the house and then i would be surounded on two sides by foreclosures. When the neighborhood was built it was the must have place to live. every house sold new in the height of the boom. so all my neighbors are upside down. I was lucky enough to buy in after they hit rock bottom so they hate me.
So i guess it's GAME ON!!!
well i feel better..

but seriously pubes?

[Andy Le Blanc]

where I live I can run around stoned drunk naked with a fifth in one hand
and a shot gun in the other, loose the 12ga. and yell at the top of my lungs

"NIGHT OF THE IGUANA"

and no one gives two shits...

Walk around your yard talking crazy shit to yourself, twitching like it contagious,

They'll take the hint.

[CaseyJones]

"HOME OWNER'S ASS-SOCIATION?!!"

We got a sayin' here, "Live Free or Die." Andy misses it by a couple miles but he gets money for his empty bottles. We don't.

I say,

"LIVE FREE OR EAT SHIT!!!"

Maybe they should put that on Cali license plates.

What happened to the supposedly mellow tolerant Cali lifestyle?

They set aside one day a month across the river in Brattleboro, called it "Pageant Day". Clothing optional, if you wanted to parade around bare-assed there was no law against it. Much to the chagrin of the Town Fathers. Naturists from all over flocked to Brattleboro to experience the freedom of public nudity.

So... you're oblivious to the boomerang effect? All existence is circular, there's no such thing as "self-righteous" or "righteous anger".

You got a problem with a pool breeding mosquitoes? Just dump a quart of cheap motor oil in it. Drain oil works just as good as fresh.

[selloutrr]

at the moment life is great the pool is empty, that house is empty and priced way above market value. but if it sells it'll be great cause it'll mean my house jumped in value! the drunk party kid neighbor is gone away to college so it should be quiet until he drops out

[Trout]

HOA's communities are by far the worst places to ever live.
You have " ZERO" protections from out of control HOA boards. If you get a really bad bunch holding board positions you can lose everything you invested, even if it is single family homes.

They all operate under the guise of protecting property values, but indeed they actually destroy them.

We actually put up an HOA message board for homeowners to go and voice complaints.
http://www.blackberrycreekhoa.com/forum/index.php

Our new board has gone fine crazy lately hitting some people for in excess of $10,000 for stupid things.

Some interesting reading on HOA;'s here as well
http://www.ccfj.net/

[Trout]

ops

[selloutrr]

i had a short and sweet phone conversation with the HOA resort manager this morning. Basically when did you come by and inspect my home? oh really 3 hours before the weekly landscaper arrived? interesting... wouldn't that be the worst it could possibly get? Nut Grass? instead of bitching to me about the grass and how it's spreading why not do something about the foreclosures in complete seed? Can you do me a favor and earn your money?.. try making sure the gate works and street lights have bulbs before you get up my ass about my grass. Have you personally been out to see my house? if you have you would be ashamed to send that letter it's the nicest landscape on the street. Stop wasting my time and HOA $ on stamps. IF this EMBARRESSMENT happens again I will move. when i bought in this neighborhood it was an elite place since you took over it's slipped...

[CaseyJones]

I had lunch with my cousin from Cali a week ago. He's a realtor. He's in a panic because the bubble he created by flipping properties over and over burst and he can't do that anymore.

Admittedly the service was horrible. Cuz bitched about it nonstop. So: My shitty lunch experience was improved by the soundtrack of his complaining? But that's our Brave New World... do nothing real, do nothing value added. Just bitch about it in your most self-righteous manner when your comfort level is attenuated...

I suggest that you save some money, tell the gardener "Don't bother." If you don't water your lawn it won't grow, kill two birds with one stone right there. Decorate your property with a junk car or two, maybe some obsolete white appliances. Incidentally white appliances are fun to shoot at. Insist that the head of the HOA visit personally, then toss him off at gunpoint. It is after all your property.

I'd kick in the door of the vacant place next door, throw an outrageous party over there. Fill the pool with Jello or something. Invite some of your Amp Garage friends. If they can't hear it in Mendocino... IT AIN'T LOUD ENOUGH. Show those teenage neighbors how it's done.

Like I said, "Live Free or Die"

[selloutrr]

In '06 this neighbor hood was completely sold out. you had to put $50K down just to get a chance to lottery for a lot when it broke ground in '04. Houses sold originally for $500k flipped the next day for $900K+. The bubble burst and the economy crumbled leaving most of the neighborhood upside down in the morgage. Out of 100 homes over 1/3 have gone into foreclosure. luckily only 6 are in distress and not on my street. I bought a short sale for almost nothing, but if the HOA wants to get up my ass, I'll be honest Missouri is looking mighty nice!

I found a 10 acre plot backed up to conservation land just outside of Joplin, MO. NO! HOA zoned for residencial / livestock = horses. Craftsman built 3,000sq cabin. 1,700sq basement. 2 car garage, and full 5 car sized shop. I'm thinking "F" california, lower my expenses, pay a bit more in property tax, build a 6 stall horse barn for the wife and kid. contract the same builders to also construct a covered arena and 65'x100' shop that can be converted into the recording studio. Just think in missouri you can afford to own a small business, go fishing/hunting, own a gun, not sure about the next part but i'm going to assume less meth, so the people aren't as trashy. plus the best part!!! It's not sunny 359 days of the year!!!!!

Don't get me wrong california has some benefits...
ok I must be ready to move i can't think of any...

[CaseyJones]

Yeah but think of the bitchin' party you can have over your place. You got three phase, right? Set the marquee up on your property and have the party at your neighbor's. You probably have enough gear already. Tell the cops, "We were just testing our set-up." when they show up. Invite enough people, what are they gonna do? Bust em all for tresspassing?

not sure about the next part but i'm going to assume less meth, so the people aren't as trashy.

Dude! Cookin' meth is the last industry we got left! Even that is gettin' outsourced at an alarming rate.

Trashy = entertaining. If your party is too snooty I'll just go have sex with the waitstaff...

[CaseyJones]

Seriously, if you're going to move to Missouri you may want to consider takin' a course in Americana aka Redneck.

I speak fluent Redneck albeit with an accent. It's gotten my ass outta many a sticky situation. My big mouth causes problems that aren't quite bad enough to solve with my big gun. That's where language skills come into play. Talk to those hillbillies in their native tongue, they'd never guess I'm a liberal.

[selloutrr]

The cops take this neighborhood way to seriously it's got at least 6 SWAT officers in it. Not great for parties but the crime is super low.
I'd rather have the party at my house, the neighbors destroyed the inside of the house before they left in the middle of the night and let the bank take it. besides california is so broke they probably would ticket everyone just to make quota.

YEAH i'll agree tweekers are very entertaining, I've sent at least a dozen out in the parking lot to collect rocks while we set up shows, but so fucking useless for anything else. I had to deal with them in the union stage hand labor for years. they would show up all gacked out and be in the way more then a help. when they would try to help they would endanger all around them. when I went into a tweeker venue, i'd send them home and make the steward fill the call. It was in the contract "NO FUCKING TWEEKERS" NO EXCUSES!!!
It's a bummer how many hot chicks used meth and look old beyond their years or missing teeth = total turn off.

I was wondering about the Redneck culture, I was guessing it was pretty good 'ol boy. I might need to have you out to give me lessons in ignant. I tend to stay at home when i'm not working but it's probably best to be prepared.
Question? - can I just shoot first and ask ? later?

[CaseyJones]

I was wondering about the Redneck culture, I was guessing it was pretty good 'ol boy. I might need to have you out to give me lessons in ignant. I tend to stay at home when i'm not working but it's probably best to be prepared.
Question? - can I just shoot first and ask ? later?

Being able to talk about guns is sometimes more effective than brandishing guns. Yeah, you can shoot first and ask questions later... if you don't mind ending up as someone's bitch down the State Pen. If you're gonna go there you might as well skip all the steps in between and just fly off the handle in Cali.

I go with "You can catch more flies with honey than shit." and besides, some of my best friends wanted to kill me at one time or another.

There are some simple tricks that really conserve ammo, for instance a mixed case (three or four brands) of cheap beer in the fridge out in the garage will diffuse many potential confilicts. Dude gets in your face, offer him a beer.

A big Dale Senior number 3 decal on the fridge goes a long way, too. Put one on your truck while you're at it. That way you don't piss the anyone off with their favorite driver's nemesis. Everyone respects the late Dale Senior.

There's your first lesson. Fifty bucks, please.

[selloutrr]

OH DAMN IT! I can do cheap beer and I can talk guns, should I keep it hunting minded, or break out the sniper rifles and other weapons of war? ... but I can't stand, sit, or give a shit for Nascar.... seriously turn Right!!! Turn Right!!! It would kill me to put a nascar sticker on anything, but i can watch bull riding all day long, Drink everytime they say bull.. the time just flys by. couldn't I just hang some dead animals in the den? I'm getting the feeling I wont be able to build my fence high enough.
Hi town this is my hot california daughter. Lets talk more about guns..
Next thing you are going to tell me there is no starbucks and walmart is "the" store to shop at. oh well, It'll be a nice change from southern california fake and bake.
I wonder if professional bands would rent the studio as a get away to write at? I found a barn with the option to build a 2,000sq apartment above it. probably a country act but it would give me redneck street cred

[gearhead]

but I can't stand, sit, or give a shit for Nascar.... seriously turn Right!!! Turn Right!!!

Da other way. And you gotta put "brake" in there every once in a while.

Seriously, hear you on the HOA. Even though got an older house, I avoided any HOA houses like the plague.

One of my neighbors changed within a year, with the new one being a bona-fied certi-fied redneck. Yanking his engine out with a chain-winch and a 10,000 watt floodlight at 3 am; 15 feet outside my bedroom window. Fireworks at any hour of the day. Loud parties. Monthly parade of different howling dogs; he had to have been into dogfighting. Has mellowed a bit the last couple years though.

Given that, I -still- wouldn't go for an HOA neighborhood.