Dirty jokes
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stretch2011
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Dirty jokes
I'm feeling like a dirty joke thread needs posted. The dirtier the better, if admins will allow it.
Last edited by stretch2011 on Thu Mar 17, 2016 12:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Dirty jokes
So a pedophile is taking a kid by the hand into the woods. It's a little breezy and a storm appears to be brewing. As it gets darker and the wind starts to whistle through the trees, the child says "I'm scared". The pedophile says "You're scared! I have to walk out of here alone!"
My fiance hates this joke, but her memory is so bad she doesn't remember it till the punchline. Then she hits me and curses. Ah, good times.
I'm betting if the Mods let this post, we'll be ok.
My fiance hates this joke, but her memory is so bad she doesn't remember it till the punchline. Then she hits me and curses. Ah, good times.
I'm betting if the Mods let this post, we'll be ok.
Tube junkie that aspires to become a tri-state bidirectional buss driver.
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stretch2011
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Re: Dirty jokes
Lol that was a good one.
I agree, if they allow that they will allow just about anything. MY TURN!
So there is a man that hasn't had any in a LONG time. Finally his urges overcome him so he strolls down to the local whore house. He walks up to the woman behind the counter. The woman asks, "What will you like sir?" The man looks at her and says, "I'd like a blonde, with big tits, that will do whatever I say." The woman nods her head and says, " Of Course! Although sir, you look like you haven't done anything in awhile. You should go practice on that tree outside and come back when your ready." The man says okay and walks out to practice on the tree. A week later he goes back in the whore house. He looks at the woman and says, " I've been practicing on that tree for a week, I'm ready for my blonde, with big tits, that will do anything I say". The woman noded her head and walked to the back. A few minutes later a blonde woman, very voluptuous, walks out. The man rents a hotel, they walk in, and they woman askes, "What would you like me to do?" The man tells her, "Get undressed." So she does. The woman askes, " What next?" The man tells her " Get on your knees." Then the man pulls out a stick and starts wacking her on the ass. The woman screams " WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" The man replies, " I'm checking for bees."
I agree, if they allow that they will allow just about anything. MY TURN!
So there is a man that hasn't had any in a LONG time. Finally his urges overcome him so he strolls down to the local whore house. He walks up to the woman behind the counter. The woman asks, "What will you like sir?" The man looks at her and says, "I'd like a blonde, with big tits, that will do whatever I say." The woman nods her head and says, " Of Course! Although sir, you look like you haven't done anything in awhile. You should go practice on that tree outside and come back when your ready." The man says okay and walks out to practice on the tree. A week later he goes back in the whore house. He looks at the woman and says, " I've been practicing on that tree for a week, I'm ready for my blonde, with big tits, that will do anything I say". The woman noded her head and walked to the back. A few minutes later a blonde woman, very voluptuous, walks out. The man rents a hotel, they walk in, and they woman askes, "What would you like me to do?" The man tells her, "Get undressed." So she does. The woman askes, " What next?" The man tells her " Get on your knees." Then the man pulls out a stick and starts wacking her on the ass. The woman screams " WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" The man replies, " I'm checking for bees."
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eniam rognab
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Re: Dirty jokes
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
A stick
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Reeltarded
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Re: Dirty jokes
first my dad ever told me.. only... even..
kid born silver screw in his belly button... lots of shit happens trying to remove it at the finest medical centers.. then on a trip to Egypt his rich father meets a man in a market who tell him to be a specific place north of the great pyramid at midnight in 11 days...
The son is on his knees on the exact spot. The Moon appears to rest where the capstone would be.. a ray of light comes down right onto his belly button and a golden screwdriver decends.
It turns three tims and disappears back up the light ray, and in a moment, after 21 years of struggle.. he is healed! The screw is gone!
His father runs towards him, arms outstretched, and as the son stands to meet him...
his ass falls off
kid born silver screw in his belly button... lots of shit happens trying to remove it at the finest medical centers.. then on a trip to Egypt his rich father meets a man in a market who tell him to be a specific place north of the great pyramid at midnight in 11 days...
The son is on his knees on the exact spot. The Moon appears to rest where the capstone would be.. a ray of light comes down right onto his belly button and a golden screwdriver decends.
It turns three tims and disappears back up the light ray, and in a moment, after 21 years of struggle.. he is healed! The screw is gone!
His father runs towards him, arms outstretched, and as the son stands to meet him...
his ass falls off
Signatures have a 255 character limit that I could abuse, but I am not Cecil B. DeMille.
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stretch2011
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Re: Dirty jokes
Retarded, I was wondering where you were going with that. Needless to so I got a good laugh.
Re: Dirty jokes
Why can't old ladies pee in the morning?
Ever try pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?...
Ever try pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?...
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johnnyreece
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Re: Dirty jokes
(One of my favorites, because of the delivery of the girl who told it to me)
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You f@#k her!
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You f@#k her!
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Reeltarded
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Re: Dirty jokes
How do you make Martha Stewart scream, twice?
you fuck her in the ass and wipe your dick on her curtains
you fuck her in the ass and wipe your dick on her curtains
Signatures have a 255 character limit that I could abuse, but I am not Cecil B. DeMille.
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johnnyreece
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Re: Dirty jokes
Oh, my...you one-upped my joke!Reeltarded wrote:How do you make Martha Stewart scream, twice?
you fuck her in the ass and wipe your dick on her curtains
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JazzGuitarGimp
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Re: Dirty jokes
I think this thread should carry a parental advisory sticker... 
Lou Rossi Designs
Printed Circuit Design & Layout,
and Schematic Capture
Printed Circuit Design & Layout,
and Schematic Capture
Re: Dirty jokes
What did the Roman's call a man with hair in his teeth?
A glad he ate her!
A glad he ate her!
Re: Dirty jokes
Quaint way of saying "I need a beer"
"My mouth's as dry as a nun's crotch"
"My mouth's as dry as a nun's crotch"
Why Aye Man
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Reeltarded
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Re: Dirty jokes
Ee'm nadda gyna-colojist.. bud'I'll hav'a fookin' good look!
rofl
rofl
Signatures have a 255 character limit that I could abuse, but I am not Cecil B. DeMille.
Re: Dirty jokes
Dress her up like an altar boy.johnnyreece wrote:(One of my favorites, because of the delivery of the girl who told it to me)
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You f@#k her!