Enjoy
Tony VVT
These quotes are from the wall at a small music store that specialized in repair of guitars, amps and electronics gear. When dealing with the non-professional, the terminology on having something repaired or getting a tone they wanted would get said incorrectly.
When something was so funny that it became hard to hold a straight face, the person servicing the customer, behind the counter, would be required to go in the back and write down on the “wall” what was said to preserve the exact statement.
Some of these will be funny only to pro audio people. Some will only make sense to guitarists. Some are so bizarre, nobody will understand. All of them are real! Some of the ones that got away were equally as funny. Enjoy!
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I didn’t even break a string, so it lost my mind to change them.
My guitar is out of tonation.
I took my speaker to be recored.
There’s a short somewhere along the line. I think its in the line.
How would I build an amp if I already had the speakers?
Just select the right diodes for the frequency, right?
For a while they were selling like wild cakes!
They just set the indentation on my guitar.
They put shimmies under the neck.
I need a new plate and a couple of pods on the input.
I played it at a recording recession last week.
These will go two or three keys on a fret, right?
Do you have tape cassette demagnifiers?
…all pandemonium broke loose!
When the string oscillates, it causes a fretting situation.
Does this distortion sing or does it dirt?
I plugged it in and the knob blew up!
How long will it take to set the inclination on my guitar?
I need something to give it more prevalence.
I need a four amp, slow burn fuse.
This cord is cheap, I do not get a thick enough current.
I can’t sing lead, but I can sing rhythm!
Which one will make my guitar sound good?
Do you have Ovulation guitars?
I need two speaker jacks for more velocity!
Give me an extortion pedal!
We’re looking for something with a lot of power, 200 cc’s or so.
We need a cord adopter.
Do you have a pitchfork?
No, I mean the kind you blow in.
My guitar is having tenacity problems.
He soldered some modern things in there that would help out.
It sounds all right but I’m a little optimistic about it still.
How much is it for a $50.00 flanger?
Can you straighten the indentation on my guitar?
Which one is the crank box?
That guitar has a lot of renaissance!
He said he checked the cord with a vomiter!
Man, when I heard that it completed my imagination.
Give me a ¼” phono jack plug end.
Impure sound
Celestrion speakers
DiMaggio pickups
Tremellow
Scream resistor
Can you cut some wires to get more growl?
When a wire breaks and is repaired, you loose some of its impedance, right?
Do you have Whirled-Wind chords?
If these speakers are efficient, I could just wire them up, right?
The lowest priced ones were in this business.
It has magnetic pickups and a Bigsby tone arm.
We’re not out of the clear yet.
Is there any modern stuff you can put in my guitar to make it sound better?
The object itself justifies the price.
Is that a paramedic equalizer?
Well, bizarre me!
Do you have the strings with the two balls on the end for the Steinbrunner?
He said the neck was warped because of the difference in tensile strengths.
When I play it, the sound becomes even more erect!
After the guitar, there comes a point where you get to the amplifier, right?
Can’t you just put it on the scope and see what’s wrong?
You blew up those speakers because they gave you too efficient a speaker cord!
I’m in the financial disposition that I can’t do it now.
We’re looking for a no-thrills microphone.
If you use your effect right, you can’t tell if they are on!
It’s almost the thermal equinox…no, the vermal equinox!
Do you have electronic metrodomes?
Those Bartonelli pickups are not bad!
What kind of strings do I but for low action?
You’ve never seen invisible guitar stands?
It feeds back with a loud howl like a dead input short.
It’s a Peavey Pastry!
Show me a wow-wow pedal.
The tit on the plug is hot, right?
The tech cleaned the pontomiters.
It slipped my remembrance.
He said he’s fix our Roving Restroom.
I need a fully professional synthesizer.
Do you have a digital relay?
Do you do nut work here?
When you put in reverse, it blows the fuse!
Can you fix the reverd?
I use a power soak so my Marshall doesn’t drain out the whole stage!
Do you have a tremble bar?
Do you got a circumciser to set on top of the piano?
How much is a pickup that will give me a lighter sound?
I want a new pickup and two new pots and pans.
I need XLR jacks and the flush mount plugs they go into.
Do you sell Belgian cables?
Just give me a round ball figure.
Output voltage is an exponential thing.
Our drummer has a Lugwood double set.
We need some registers for our snakes.
How much do you sell stuff for?
Can I get the $9.95 bench press on my amp?
Somebody told me my amp was passing current.
I need a direct box with a transformer to keep my microphone cords from heating up!
I know the cord’s OK, because I can hear it buzzing!
I need 16 gauge speaker.
How fast does that vibrayto go in H-Z?
I need some speaker rehoned.
How much will it cost and how many rpm’s go through it?
I need a set for semantics for my amp.
Having a speaker reconed is like throwing money in the bushes!
I think it's an Electricyle problem for sure!
